Guidance Counselor

I saw this guy on TV, who blew himself up for a living. There’s a desperate career choice. Did this guy go to a job counselor: “Mr. Smith, based on what we have learned about you, have you thought about a career in self demolition? According to our aptitude tests, the best way for you to make a living is to blow yourself up.”

I remember our high school advisors. Never, and I mean never, have I heard of anyone following the advice of a person hired by a local high school, who did not even have the job skills to find good employment themselves. I might as well get financial suggestions from my cousin who went to Vo-Tech school.

I went to my school guidance counselor for one reason – she was hot! In high school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, or even cared about making choices regarding my future. When I visited Ms. Gerber’s office, I only cared about one thing -- how was I going to deal with my non stop teen aged boners, especially around her?

She’s talking about possible Universities and I am concentrating on keeping my “dog” in the cage. I sat there imagining anything I could that would be the opposite of a turn on, all while averting my eyes from her partially exposed bra. I thought of my grandfather in the casket. I envisioned snorkeling in raw sewage, getting a sponge bath from Wilfred Brimley. I tried every imaginable non-fantasy not to be aroused.

Basically, the only thing Patty Gerber could tell me was that I should go to a college that was easy to get in to. Start with community college and work my way up from there. Because of screwing up in class and spending my time trying to get attention from classmates like Jane Sutton, it was suggested I matriculate at Montgomery County Community College.

Or, maybe I could join the man who blows himself up and join the circus. Based on my Wrangler jean protrusion, plate spinning looked to be a viable option…